37 weeks

From the moment I found out that I was possibly pregnant and onward, it has been a journey of learning to trust that God is good. In the first trimester, I was plagued with so many fears about the possibility of losing the baby, knowing that having a child is not something that is promised or guaranteed to us by God. When it comes down to my own life, sometimes it’s easy to believe that I am in control. But with the pregnancy came an acute sense of how wrong that is. There was and is nothing that I can do to absolutely guarantee the health and well-being of the baby growing inside of me. Through all this, God has reminded me that life and death are in his hands alone. The amount of time he grants Jeff and I the privilege of being parents (whether only to a child in-utero or for the rest of our lives) is how long I will have to trust him with our baby’s life.

I listened to a podcast last week about parenting and one thing that struck me was one of the counselors saying that there is freedom in knowing that the two biggest things in our children’s lives- their eternal salvation and ultimate physical safety- are things that are outside of the realm of our own control. Only in surrender to God and trust in his goodness, in asking that God would use our baby girl’s life to bring glory to him- however long and in whatever condition that may be- is my heart finding true rest.

The other fear that has often unexpectedly overwhelmed me, is the idea of me, a sinful person, still on the road of sanctification, being both a wife and a mom. I have felt moved and touched that God would choose to entrust a child to us, but I have also felt a deep sense of inadequacy. How can I be a mom? How can I be a godly mom? A few months ago when I was feeling overwhelmed and caught up in myself, the Holy Spirit reminded me of 2 Corinthians 12:9 and the sufficiency of God’s grace in my weakness. The point of marriage or parenthood is not to showcase my own righteousness, parenting methods, ability, greatness, and glory. It is to be a display of the glorious splendor of God’s abounding grace. Instead of dwelling on my own inadequacy, I have been called to humbly look to God, fall on his grace, and seek for all glory to go to him.

I want our family to be trophies of God’s grace. I want people to look at us and be amazed at how gracious and powerful God is that he would be able to work in and through broken and weak vessels. Please pray this for us.

Jeff and I have seen so much of God’s provision through the generosity of people around us. Hand-me-downs (in really good condition!), baby shower gifts, etc. have made it so that we have hardly had to purchase anything on our own. Our daughter has been tremendously blessed- and she’s not even born yet! A few weeks ago, the church had a surprise baby shower for us and I was blown away by the love shown to our family. I am so excited that our baby girl is being brought into such a loving community of believers.

And that we’d appreciate your prayers for…

• That our daughter would come to know Jesus early on in life and live for him.
• For her physical health and safety come delivery day!