She sings as she suckles. The notes rise and fall and I feel her song on my chest. This moment is a gift, a divine yes.
The last month hasn’t been the easiest. We are walking on while waiting on many fronts. Some are shorter-term needs, others are distant hopes. We are praying for prodigals and struggling saints, for suffering friends and hurting ministries, for the faith of our children and our own sanctification. In my grief and anxiety, I have wondered if he truly sees, if he will really answer. God, help me believe that you answer prayers, I weakly offered just last week.
Now, listening to my baby breathe, I think about how each exhale is a resounding testimony that he indeed hears.
During pregnancy, I prayed almost daily— God, please let this baby live.
After miscarriage, after Jeff dreamt we had another little boy and girl— God, please let this be prophetic.
As newly married— God, would you grow our family?
When we dated— God, please confirm our steps.
As a single woman— God, you know my desires.
Yes, yes, yes, yes, and yes, he said. And this is just one trail of petitions.
If I reach for a different thread, I find countless others wrapped up in this very moment. There’s confirmation about where to serve, the home I am sitting in, the faith to follow. There’s the silence right now—the gift of rest as Jeff takes out the big kids, and the notable absence of the voices of shame and condemnation, once constant companions. I have a steady sense of purpose, a will to live, an assurance that I belong to God. This hasn’t always been the case.
There have been plenty of no’s and the answers have not always come as quickly as I hoped. But I pleaded in years past— God, make yourself real to me. Steadily and surely, he has. The gift of our fourth child and the faith I have as I hold her now is but a small sampling of how.
From the lips of my baby he has ordained praise, the gift of unveiling and an invitation to remembrance. Do you really answer prayer? Her song is the gentlest rebuke for my forgetfulness, a soft yet strong word: See here my yeses.